The n00b Corner

Quotable Quotes from Stanford U. Camp (Part 1)

2006-12-12T15:27:00.000+08:00

It's been like two months, huh? Guess I was having too much fun slacking after exams... Anyway, we all like quotes. Especially spastic ones. Here are several quotes from my recent Stanford U. Camp (held in HCI, it was actually fun). Names have been removed for no apparent reason.

"JESUS CHRIST!"

"You look like a Christmas tree."

"That's three times you've banged me on that head with that damn door, in two CENSORED days."

"I heard you were a fag."

"Do you know that you can get high on ice cream?"

"It's time for an intellectual conversation. I want to be Donald Trump, with the toupee and all."

"That coat is so not Armani! It lacks the distinctive sheen!"

"Looking out of the window, his worst fears were confirmed. In the background, juggling rifles, was CoCo the Clown."

"Will you CENSORED shut up about Armani, Dolce and CENSORED Gabbana already?"

"Wow, she's going to kill us when she realizes we cut up all of her nice black paper into snowflakes and Tiki heads. And did you just lose those scissors?"

"Er, hello? We would like to offer you a HSBC premium deal, may I confirm that your annual income is between 90,000 and 120,000?"
"Ruizi, I have Caller ID, you retard."

"What are we going to do if the CENSORED montage takes more than 5 minutes to load?"
"Ah ha! A poetry recital!"
"We knew it would be hard... but we weren't retards..."
"That has GOT to go."

"Why in the world would you have two pencilboxes?"
"That's my wallet."

"Wow, he's your boss? That's so sad."

"Your hand feels like chicken nuggets."

"Yes, I am a social outcast. Wearing bright orange."

"I'm actually a non-conformist. Again, wearing bright orange."

"Yes, my friend, you spelled hammer wrong. Why are you in this course again?"

Um, that's it for now. I'll post more once I actually recall them. Maybe looking at some of our interesting photos will jog my memory.

Quotes from Nerd Watch:

'Wow, I'm such a good player.'
'No, Mr. Lin, you're just a CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED lucksack who always CENSORED lucksacks his way to a CENSORED win.'

'I'm a good player.'
'And I'm a Chess Grandmaster.'

'Ah ni kwan ma si jin li hai!'
'Jiao wo lei!'

'You CENSORED loser with no sociel life, stop playing Chess on a Friday Night. Don't you have a girlfriend?'
'It is in fact, Saturday morning here, you retard. Perhaps if you looked at the globe you would notice countries other than America sitting there. And is sociel Italian? Anyway, I am in fact, gay, which means I'm a happy person, unlike you who probably just had homosexual inclinations the moment I mentioned gay.'

10 Steps to Being a Hot Emo Guy

2006-08-30T17:19:00.000+08:00

10 Steps to Being a Hot Emo Guy Part 1

Why do we want to be a hot emo guy? Simple. All the girls are fawning over these lady-killers nowadays. A poll conducted by Aasaw Survey Management Services revealed that 98% (98 of 100 respondents) of the teenage girls surveyed wanted a hot emo guy as their boyfriend. Of the two who did not lust after hot emo guys, one was I think actually a guy, and another a lesbian. Feel the power of the emox.
In order to do research on this emo phenomenon, I turned to the Oxford Dictionary of Contemporary English.
No hits. Mirriam-Webster online had a hit, but it had a 9% relevancy…

Emu
-A type of bird, a relative to the ostrich
-Emu eggs are amongst the largest in the world.
Sidenote: Emus enjoy sticking their heads into the sand for no apparent reason.

Interesting. Very interesting. The girls apparent like birds incubated at a high temperature.
In order to substantiate my groundbreaking research, I turned to the most accurate source in the world. Even more revolutionary, even more precise than an encyclopedia: It’s wikipedia!
It offered information that clashed with the Emu theory: Apparently emo refers to ‘angst’, such as depression or dysfunction, when there is no such depression or dysfunction. This means that it’s now cool to fake depression. Examples of how to be emo follow:

‘Oh no! My Maths got A2 again! Ganni na ganni na all is wrong with the world, I’m going to commit suicide!’

‘F la, won the lottery, but got fifteen other winners! WTF? Now got only 500K, 500K buy house also cannot buy! I go rape girls la!’

Case Study: Paul Twohill
-Contender on the show Singapore Screaming Girl Magnet, Non-Singing Idol.

Characteristics:
-Too cheapskate to pay for a barber. Hair often covers eye. Suspected blindness in that eye.
-Wearing weird shirts with prints such as ‘Peace Out, Yo’, and checkered crap that my dog ate because it thought it was another dog encroaching its territory. Yes, my dog is a cannibal. He’s also very dead. Killer rats ate him. Talk about karma.
-Face that looks plastered with makeup. Questionable highlighted eyebrows, a sign of makeup. Makeup. Makeup. Fishingly fishy.
-A great voice. Sounds like the duet that my killer cannibal dog sang with some ravens before he bit the dust.

I also took the liberty of interviewing a ba chor mee stall uncle:

M: Uncle, le dong si mi si ‘emo’ mah?
U: Hah? Ostrich hah? Wa mai bui ostrick, taste weird with the mee pok. You go to the tze char stall one street over. There also got zai massage parlor.
M: No, no, emo.
U: Hah? Tell you already no ostrick still talk about ostrick. I tell you, wa mai bui ostrick one!
M: No. That’s emu in any case. I’m talking about people like Paul, from Singapore Fei Chang Super Idol Campus Star plus Band Contest?
U: Oh. Aiyah, that Paul siao za bor la. I think he is gay leh. Also hor got the Jackytha, I don’t understand what she say. Why she everything talk a little then all crap one?
M: Um, ok, never mind. Thank you for your time.
U: Oi! Waste my time still don’t want to buy ba chor mee! Ganni na think I stand here tok to you is free issit? Oi, oi! Fettucini fresh leh! Ganni na, take native Engrish course also no use? I go protest for refund!

Voila.

So with my extensive research, here’s a list of steps you can take to become a hot emo guy, and get it on with the ladies…

1) Don’t cut your hair.
Yep. Let it cover your eye. It may be deprived of sunlight and lose focus, eventually leading to blindness, but at least you will be Cool!. You can also save money on barbers this way. Remember to let only one side grow, and practice flicking it out of the way with just a nod of your head. That will make the girls swoon.

2) Dress curiously, preferably gothic.
Go all dark and angsty. Be black. Dress to kill. Literally. Accessories like chokers and whips wouldn’t be too bad either.

3) Have piercings, wear pants tailored for women
You must appear to be weak and slightly feminine to pull off the emo look. Piercings bring out the angst in you. Women pants won’t save your girl from getting jumped in an alley or something, but they sure make you irresistible.

4) Dark eyeliner and makeup
You must look depressed. Makeup will make you look gay, which will make you depressed as guys point and laugh at you. Depression is good. Real depression is better.

5) Talk about doom, speak in rhetoric, use whacked out expressions
Here are a few tailor made lines:
‘The world is ending. Nobody has any hope. May sex, drugs, and alcohol take us all and desiccate us. Especially sex.’
‘Hao. Hao hao hao. Jasper jasper jasper rotund posterior dao hao dao, BONG, wasaa.’
‘Yeah, we’re all gonna die someday, what’s the point of worrying about STD? Everyone should just like, have orgies on the streets…’
‘I’m on crack.’

6) Stupid dark glasses
If you don’t have a degree, it’s going to give you one. But anything in the name of being hot and emo.

Dictionary Word of the Day:
Douglas
-A term for oral sex.
-Used when parents don’t want kids to know about their dirty doings.
-Examples: ‘Kat loves to get Douglas.’

Non-Grammatically Correct Usages:
‘How much, Douglas?’

Correct Usage (Singapore Engrish Dialect):
‘A Douglas how much.’

-Can be used in summaries, since there seem to be a lot of sex related comprehensions popping up nowadays.
Also a good code word to confuse fuddy-duddy teachers.
The MrYellow show is brought to you by PaulEmOXFAngiRLZ Ltd.

L3t'5 t41k 4b0ut En9r15H... again

2006-08-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

So, l33t speak. We all know it. We all enjoy proclaiming l33t h4xx0rzness in bouts of virulent debate over our estranged manliness. But there's a limit. Most people can put up with the usual crap that goes on online, usually spouted by but not limited to, the great state of um... the United States. Yeah.

'Insurance trilogy ownzorz! Get a lfe, wanker! Go home and cry in peace, yo friggin shiz nit niggar! Paolini ownz ur arrse!'

Some minor nitpicks here:

I was not aware that ownzorz was actually a word. I assume that said poster actually meant 'owns', which also hovers dangerously on the border of l33tness.

lfe also does not exist in any sort of dictionary I know of, except in wild wet Jasperland. I assume poster meant life. In that case, poster should actually make an effort to type the i and spell it correctly, lest dandy gentlemen or genteelwomen who scrutinize his academically rigorous post in an attempt to classify it in a genre of dissent be put off by the less than perfect spelling.

Wanker. Firstly, how does said poster know that the object of his perceived insult actually wanks? Furthermore, define wank. Is it male of female? For all we know, the person insulted could actually be the Pope, and we all know he's celibate. At least, I think he is.

Yo friggin shiz nit. Is that supposed to be stereotypical street trash talk? Besides being an unauthorized dialect of le Queen's English, street trash talk is astoundingly limited, and the base vocabulary appears to be twisted from normal English. With that in mind, let's attempt to master this complicated language, with it's myriad 'n' consonants and so on.

'Heyo, daddy-o! The pimp just screwed up his friggin shittin chemmin testin, yo yo yo! He's sittin' in the corn', crying' liek a washed up piece of shittttttt.... I'm a hardcore rapper, yo!'

Fascinating.

Niggar. I assume said poster meant nigger, which is a derogatory, racially offensive word. Not only is the author attempting to stir up war between the races in such a deviously subtle fashion, he has also miraculously guessed the color of my skin, although potassium dichromate seems to have turned it slightly white. There's reduction for you. It's tested in O Levels by the way.

Ownz ur arrse. Nuff' said, daddy-o.

More genius from the land of constitutional rights:

'Ur teh noob! My pikachu is l33t h4xx0z!'

'What the fook. YU-GI-OH is TEH PWNAGE. MAGIC STNKS. STNKS. STNKS. UR ONLY HAVING 20 life, noobers.'

Sometimes I wonder how they became a superpower in the first place, if they can't even seem to master their language properly. And they look down on Asians, proclaiming us 'teh noobs' for being 'less than teh ownage' at 'teh roxx0rz' English. What an irony. Remind me why my English is worse than the Lvl. 100 Pikachu trainer from above.

There seems to be more and more dialects of le Queen's English sprouting up like Middle Eastern conflicts nowadays. In Singapore, we also have embarked on our very own phenomenon. Observe the sentence below, plucked from a real life Singaporean schoolgirl's blog, and take a gander at her l33t h4xx0rz command of this extremely mind-boggling linguistic achievement...

MiNe LuRbY bLoG:)``RmB To TaG b4 U LeAvE.``just shud up if u dun lyk miie_*``ZuOyInGgx__aKa LuRbYgErL__LuRb sOtOnG__po0h*``regret fer gettin so lousy fer psle..i hate my seats.

Moi HaD CHicKeNz, 2DaY, wEnt Liek, SHOPPIN witgh Hwei Hwei AnD OMG boGHT a hOt Red TOp for LieK, $10, Omg OMg!

Notice the similarity to street trash talk.

I recently lost an argument with a fairly nice Caucasian guy (at least he didn't call me teh niggarz) about English. I pointed out that Americans were fairly hypocritical, mocking us 'slanty-eyed' gooks for speaking broken English, but need I point out that we are proficient, to some small degree, in Mandarin as well, or didn't they know that China is taking over the world? Mao forever. Back on track, I threw him some examples of stupid l33t squabbling in online forums, showcasing the ridiculousness of a bunch of arrogant fags attacking each other for possessing incoherent grammar when the attacking fag in question was saying things like, 'You is stupid, becourse your grammer sux.'
Then he throws the above in my face. How he surfed and hit that particular blog, I don't know, maybe he has a fetish for Singaporean girls? L33t h4xx0rz.
I ended up losing that argument, by the way.

Let's start the nitpicking:

Ignoring the smiley faces for the moment, we stumble upon the ingenuity of this new English dialect, most commonly used by 'too cool to trot' Singaporean schoolgirls, in an admirable attempt to be Cool!, though I must note that Hua Yu is also Cool!, and we all know how that is working out. But back to this new dialect. Notice that half of the letters have inexplicably been capitalized. Huh. Ah see, ah see. What flamboyant self-expression. However, it serves no real purpose, except for giving composition-marking teachers migraines and the like.

Debate for yourself. Are these half capitalized, half non capitalized discourses fishing retarded, or pure genius?

Moving right along, we see that the girl in question has cleverly made use of another apparent new Singlish trait: butchering perfectly fine words to form Cool! new ones to impress hot emo guys. We'll talk about the inexplicable schoolgirl fetish for emo dudes on another day. For now, let's discuss the practical implications of Lurby. I suppose that it sounds like Kirby. Anything else?

No. I didn't think so. It's don't have tur kwa one.

It better have meant love, by the way, because I shudder to think of other possibly translations.

RmB is short form, another amazing new Singlish technique. But why not just use a fascinating George Orwell creation, Newspeak?

Minitrue mark article doubleplusungood crimethink. Miniluv remake goodthink fullwise.

Much better. b4 is another short form, derived from l33t speak. Nothing new.

jus shud up if u dun lyk miee is a good example of butchering and short form in action. lyk replaces like, for instance, erasing a whole letter, thereby slowly eradicating the English language. Evil plot in motion?

The next sentence leaves me utterly boggled, with what appears to be a name, a proclamation of love for sotongs, aka squids, and underscores that probably embody some nefarious hidden meaning.

Not going to comment on the subject's PSLE results, but this is my guess:

Chinese A*
English F
Science D
Maths D
Higher Chinese: Distinction

But it's not fair. I mean, she was doing the papers in another LANGUAGE, for crying out loud.

Subject also apparently hates seats. Maybe she just likes sitting on the floor?

Okay, we've hit the cream of the crap. Moi? WHAT THE FISH IS MOI? Is it French? Polish? Czech? And what practical purpose does moi serve, except maybe fooling idiots into thinking the canteen's serving fondue today? Moi? Moi? This is one branch of new Singlish that I cannot comprehend.

The rest is typical schoolgirl ranting. Hot red tops for $10 are like OMG btw.

And we end off here. No ranting for me. The point seems to have fleshed itself out fairly well.

DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY

Genuflected
Twist at the knee, sort of like a bow of deference

I read this in Terry Goodkind, and thought it was some lewd act at first. Well, you learn a new word everyday. Great for summaries, and it reads like this when translated into hanyu pinyin:

Ga1 Ni1 Na1 Bu1

The mr Yellow show was brought to you by Nl Girlz Hot Rawrx Bloggin AsSoCiATion, in conjuction with NIGGAR HATERZ OF THE AMERCA CULT, a division of the KKK.

Cheapo Techniques, in Ah Beng and Kamsky Fashion

2006-07-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

So today I was at the Coffee Bean in J8 drinking some fishing Ice Blended coffee which I had ordered by mistake instead of non-Coffee. Whoopee goldberg. I abhor Ice Blended coffee. My dear kind mother suggested that I add vanilla or chocolate powder to even out the bloody coffee smell, and so I did.
Eureka!
I have discovered a technique previously so secret, that not even Dark Lord Renclace, destroyer of all humanity, could have unearthed. It is a secret so sonorously blatant that kiasu masters died in vain trying to see what could not be seen with just the eyes. As Confucius says, 'If your eyes are sandy from fishing white, crusty salt in the puerile morning, you cannot find your toothbrush.'
As I was vigorously applying the vanilla powder to my cup of stinking Icy coffee in a decidedly suggestive fashion, I started to stir the whitening mixture of crushed ice, deplorable coffee, and holy vanilla powder.
Lo and behold.
The volume increased.
Now physicist Nii Ruliz's Hao Constant states that MC^2 = E, or M=C^2/E, or C=(EC)^o.5, or MCT= EM/C, or E=C^2T. In any case, the Hao intermolecular forces collide head on to form sigma bonds. Or is it Pi bonds? Whatever. The Lone Pairs of Coffee intersperse to solidify into an ionic lattice structure, meaning one mole of Vanilla Ice Coffee has been produced (molecular mass assumed to be isotope of Cl^99999). The mass is incredible. Yes. Herein lies my fantabulous hypothesis, or postulation, to teach new vocabulary words to thesaurus friendly people.
For idiots, who cannot comprehend Hao's Constant or the Hao forces, the coffee's volume increases.
Wow.
I would never have thought of that.
That's why practicals are so important.
And the mixture actually became tastier. That sick whitish mass was actually pertinently (shades of Abraham Lincoln, the irony will be amusing as frantic thesaurus fags realize that it has no apparent meaning in the context of the sentence) tasty.
Wow. Double wow. Hao contstant is l33t hAxx0rz.
So by adding vanilla powder, we get more bang for our buck, in this case, more fishing coffee.
I proceeded to shake the fishing tin of vanilla powder so hard that I was sweating profusely. People stared in shock. I decided to cease when my coffee underwent a chain reaction and started bubbling curiously.

Now emboldened by my new discovery of succeeding in actually getting more coffee than Coffee Bean intended for you to have, I have come up with another nice way to get more bang for the buck in food establishments, hereby espousing prudence and letting the rest of the kiasus in on a marvelous thing...

Ever notice that in hawker centres, Mee Sua is like $3, but their oyster vegetable is $4? Here's how to earn a dollar back:

Y (YOU): Uncle, wa ai ba chor mee ji was, mee sua, mai chong, mai hiam, mai tur kwa.
U (BA CHOR MEE MAN): Siao, li si bei jia lan ah.
Y: Dan la. Still got a lot more don't want.
U: Hah? Gee siao, still got ar? (This guy siao one, $3 is mine!!!0
Y: Wa mai, mee sua, mai teng, mai giam he hor.
U: Le mai? Le si lang tao ah? Now got empty bowl only, nothing at all!
Y: Er, still got veg. The lettuce
U: Si mi? Or lattice ah? Ok lor...
Y: Can more lettuce anot ar? I noe a bit weird but...
U: (This guy sibei spastic man, dun want noodle, ok lor) Ok, ok, noes the problem
Y: Can add oyster sauce anot?
U: ??? Ok's lor!
Y: Must put more ah?
U: Ok. Ok.

Afterwards:

U: Nah! Mee sua mai chong mai hiam mai mee sua mai teng mai tur kwa dan si bei alot cai with oyster sauce! (Stupid fag, must be Hwa Chong one.)
Y: Ok thank you uncle. $3 ah?
U: Ya lah!
Y: Thanks.

1 min later...

U: Eh, gui beng auntie!
A (Chicken Rice Auntie): Si mi?
U: Got one guy damn stupid leh!
Proceeds to describe the happenings in detail.
A: Le bai chi ar? Look at yourse signboard!
U: Eh? EH? OYSTER VEG $4? GANNI NA BU CHAO CHI BAI FISH FISH FISH HWA CHONG BOY TO KI TIAM>>>>>

You get the point. Attempt to eloquently outsmart those normally devious hawkers and hoodwink them right under their noses. It's worked for me! Alternatively, you could go into McDonalds and ask for ice water, then when they have fetched you the water and proceeded to ask if you have made purchase, say yes and demand if they have ba chor mee or shark's fin. When they are sufficiently bamboozled, demand to see the manager and run off with your ice water.
But beware of hawkers who have been taught by native speakers. If they start by saying VERY GOOD SIR, HOW MAY ONE BE OF SERVICE TO YOU TODAY, GOOD SIR? JOLLY GOOD! Kill them or back away very slowly, lest their Queen's English decimates you in one heady blow.

Some other quotes to adapt to any situation,

Auntie, wa ai beng, can add chicken?

Uncle, wa ai teng, can add yu ci?

Auntie, wa ai french fries, can add steak?

Auntie, wa ai gui beng, (with the duck crisis) can add ya4?

You get the idea. Cheapo, this is, but Yoda says you will save a dollar every two days like this. At this rate, you'll save $350,000 by the time you are 200! Song bo!

On nerd watch, we also have a tournament report from one John Wasa, who was recently in a five round Chong Wah Chess Grandmaster tournament that featured notables like Toh Yu Han Raphael, Choay Zhen Cheng Clarence, Tan Zheng Rong Jasper, Chai Hin Wai Michael, all extremely formidable opponents in their own right. There were also noobs like Le Gyx, Howie Choo Choo Train, and Le (Turtle Defense) Lerong, as well as Shen (Can't add 2+2) Jiahua.

Our intrepid hero found himself on the end of a brutal hammering by a quiet Polar Bear in Round One, but Polar Bear overextended with a supposedly brilliant pin that somehow turned into a brilliant bishop sacrifice which got him a nice loss at the hands of the unrated but somehow in a GM tournament Wasa. I love this guy. He plays like a master.

Unfortunately, Sir Wasa was in such a jolly good mood that he somehow lost to complete noob Choo Choo, who somehow promoted a Queen by dastardly distracting him with his intimidating build. What a total loss. Wasa, being the genius he was, would have swept the round easily, I think.

His third round paired him up against the master of the Turtle Defense, whom John Wasa overcame easily. The defense, I mean. The actual winning was somehow screwed up when Wasa blundered his passed pawn. I'm beginning to think that Wasa isn't so great after all. Fishing noob losing to turtle noobs.

His fourth round flamboyantly displayed ultimate cheapo mastery when Wasa attempted to destroy GM Jasper (famously for his long Stalin dissents and extremely neat handwriting) with a brilliant cheapo attack on the uncastled king.

It was then that Jasper pulled out his most brilliant hat trick: Under the guise of a desperate flight to the center, where he could control all the squares and obliterate the whole board, Jasper put his king on the same file as Wasa's. THE FAMOUS FEI JIANG MANEUVER THAT DESTROYED RAPHAEL, A MASTER IN HIS OWN RIGHT.
Wasa thought for a full ten seconds and started throwing all his pieces at that corpulent king, which demolished them with ease. Unfortunately it moved itself into a corner and in a brilliant masterstroke, Wasa cleared away all defenders and mated Jasper.
The exhausting 2 minute ordeal was admired by Shen JH, who was still attempting to master division. What a maths loser.

Wasa still had a chance to win fourth and receive 100 rupiah. He found himself paired against Le Gyx a quiet unknown who had some found his way to the top of the standings.
I went away to um, read a book at that point, but when I returned, Wasa had the decisive advantage. Wasa made it in. Although I have heard rumors of Wasa offering a thousand bucks to Le Gyx for the win. I'll snoop around Le Gyx's mail and see if he has received any beetles thus far.

Go Wasa go.

Unfortunately Winthrop, previous winner, in the midst of all his jolly goods and nice one, chappy!, mentioned he would be inserting himself into the standings for the glorious rupiah cash prize. The whole tournament revolted and I subsequently escaped as the Israelites (their group name ) somehow started bombing the Lebaneseseseses with paper planes filled with copper (II) sulphate.

May they all rest in peace.

THE Mr Yellow show was brought to you by Penthouse magazine, the authentic supplier of penthouses around the world, as well as the scantily clad girls in said penthouses, and BONG Corporation, the criminal mastermind operation behind Billabong, which girls and boys seem to regard as a COOL and HIP brand in Singapore, when it's just a nonsensical word imprinted on some China made wallet.

Stupid Dictionary Terminology of the Week that Confuses the Crap Out of People

2006-07-20T15:33:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I was bored. Real update in the next week or two.

Rotund Posterior
-Literally means round ass, in the most basic form.

Notes:
Posterior was adapted from French. Yes, those snail guzzling Parisians love their posteriors.

Applications:
(Zao Ju)
For the love of god, that heathen's rotund posterior is simply too delightful to resist! The hemispheres remind me of basketballs!

Compo Power Level: If you use in your compo, the meter measure of the resulting zainess that will emanate from your piece of literary shit: TEN (Confounds your teacher, who may or may not go into cardiac arrest after realizing what you are trying to say)

Olla Podrida/s

-A rich, seasoned meat stew that is a Spanish dish.

-A heterogeneous mixture of something (noun)

Notes:
Spanish for rotten something. Cool.

Applications:
- We had olla podrida for dinner today. I had no idea what the hell it was, but my tummy is starting to ache terribly now. Espanol toki tiam!

-The calcium chloride and Solid X combined to form an olla podrida. Sickly green precipitate was observed settling to the bottom of the beaker. Damn, I think I just failed my SPA.

Zainess in Application Meter: NINETY (WTF? Your teacher will love this! It owns summaries! Now instead to devoting two points and twenty words to a lengthy description of shitty stew, you can simply say olla podrida! Wow! Ownage! Plus it will send your chemistry teacher into fits when you start using it in every practical evaluation.)

Phanerogam
-A flowering plant.

Notes: Originated from the French phanerogame and the Greek phaneros and gamos. Damn Europeans. Conspiring against le Queen's English.

Applications
-My damn dog peed all over my phanerogams. He's going to get it tonight. Wait. THE SPCA ARE WATCHING. Don't take me to the Ministry of Love. Doubleplusgood, doubleplusgood!!!

-Specimen is a phanerogam. Seeds appear to be spores dispersed over a three mile radius. They can grow on human organisms. Meaning we're doomed. The phanerogams shall usher in a new age on this forsaken Earth, pray to ye gods, fools, for the apocalypse comes...

Zainess Meter: TEN.7 (More summary goodness, plus you can show off to your friends, I think... Biology teachers around the world, beware.)

Let's talk about English

2006-07-19T16:57:00.000+08:00

Gee, it's been close to a year since this place was updated... there's a perfectly good explanation for this, actually, there are several explanations, take your pick...

1) I was kidnapped and nearly brainwashed in North Korea. No, I didn't steal secret nuclear technology that enabled the completion of Taepodong-2. No sirree.

2)This is not Ruizi writing. This is Hao Cheng. No, seriously. Haoooooooooooooooo.

3)I was in training to defeat the one who called himself the Dark Lord, he who must not be named, the one known as Renclace. I won.

Anyway, today we're going to have a look at Singaporean English. No, not Singlish, that's an entirely new, acceptable dialect of Native English (the suffixes and consonants are one of the most astounding, undecipherable pieces of crap I've ever come across) though it's restricted to the East Asian tribe known as Ah Bengs. This is Singaporean English, which means the native language, spoken in the land of the Ah Bengs. Suffice to say, Singaporean Native English leaves much to be desired.

Let's start off with some basic gripes...

1) MISUSE OF RELATIVELY (NO, THIS ONE IS CORRECT, ONLY PEOPLE WHO BET ON Serbia and Montegro 6 - Argentina 0 WOULD DISAGREE WITH ME) 'CHIM (SUPPOSEDLY COMPLICATED)' WORDS

Now, I don't blame you if you honestly try to use some nice, shiny new vocabulary word and get it all wrong. You learn from your mistakes. Even if you try constantly, failing miserably each time by bungling up said vocabulary word, nobody's going to blame you. WHAT I AM FISHING PISSED ABOUT IS THE FACT THAT SOME GENIUSES THINK THEY ARE THE BEE'S KNEES BY DIGGING UP SOME OBSCURE, COMPLETELY UNORTHODOX TERM AND USING IT INCORRECTLY. Abraham Lincoln was a prime offender, and so is his descendant. No wonder the US is fished. Their Declaration makes no sense.

Myth : Using complicated words will not make you appear academically rigorous.

Plenty of people seem to think that the mark of a good work of literature is a plethora of seldom seen, needlessly archaic words. A monkey can FISHING fill an essay up with 'pro' words. You just search up the relevant meaning from a thesaurus. Wow. 50% of the world has the potential to churn out classic pieces of writing. Fascinating. I seem to recall a certain monkey who will be codenamed Linpaoi publishing a best selling trilogy called Insurance (or Inheritance, la la la), despite it being significantly worse than Enid Blyton's The Secret Seven: Mystery of the Missing Hair Pin. He somehow crapped it out through the zoo. I'm not saying that you shouldn't use words like quatrain or sanguine at all. Just use them CORRECTLY, and in appropriate circumstances. It makes no sense to use sanguine in a high school essay when you can simply use blood-red. It may get you marks, it may get you a model essay slot, but students will be committing suicide when their brain goes into overdrive while reading what appears to be IRISH. Be appropriate. And don't overdo it. It doesn't make you seem 'pro'. On the contrary, if you mess up, well, you're going to look like an idiot.

Let me prove my point. Here's a nice paragraph from an intrepid journalist:

Thirdly, it was a holiday, at least for us, albeit a holiday that involved going to school. The cost was a little steep, but it was actually cheaper than what we would have paid if we were going there ourselves, and this experience would prove to be much more interesting.

Now we make it 'academically rigorous':

Thirdly, the seasons dictated that we fair, smooth bastions of youth partake in a much deserved period of symbiosis, though it was a period where the personages in question, we, were forced to attend a dastardly institution of public learning. The price was one that made banshees howl in agony, while tearing out their solar plexuses (ignoring gender here, perchance?) , but at least it was cheaper than paying through the nose if we had the resolve to cast off the chains of prearrangement and make our pilgrimage there on our lonesome, and this experience would herald a scintillating period of delightful experiences.

Um, yeah, it speaks for itself. Misused shit like symbiosis was intentional, by the fishing way, lest you accuse me of hypocrisy.

Furthermore, Ah Beng dialect is prominent in our fine country, thus it would be advisable to at least revert one's speach to neanderthal proportions, before the zuluist chieftains chop off our heads for a misunderstanding involving condoms, beat us up, film the incident, and trigger a backlash of outrage from newspapers who would blow the matter up to King Kong proportions.

This is a digression, but it does back up a previous point: Don't get too fancy, FISHERS.

Example: (Person 1 is one of the aforementioned zuluist chieftains, Person 2 is a 'savoury egg noodles with ground pork, sliced fish, garnished with fresh shitake mushrooms, preferably fettucini' otherwise known as ba chor mee seller)

1: Eh, uncle, you okay's anot?
2: Ah yes, kind sir, thou has popped in to pay homage to one's fine altar of culinary delight! Will sir have the minced pork noodle today?
1: Ha? You tok what shit? You speaking the Irish issit?
2: No, good sir, I am speaking the Queen's English, the purest form of Native English, one that dull neanderthals could not possibly hope to comprehend.
1: Whatever lah. Fisher ba chor mee gay, act zai, act pro pro, think you's so good, I'll be having the mee pok ta hor, mai hiam.
2: Very good sir! What a fine example of appropriate elucidation! Does sir wish to add any other request before one prepares your nutrition?
1: Ha? Nothing lar, hurry up hor, I needs to go to job interview for Geylang Lions football club soon, if you too long, you watch out.

2: Your order as ordered of one, good sir. The savoury fettucini with ground pork, sliced fish, garnished with various mushrooms and condiments, as well as the boiled pork liver.
1: Tur kwa? WHO THE FISH SAID GOT TUR KWA ONE?
2: You didn't specify, good sir.
1: MA DE, GANNI NABU CHAO CHI BAI, NEED TO SAY ONE MEH? YOU THINK UR ENGRISH VERY GOOD AH? LET ME TELL YOUSE, I GOT's THE ENGRISH FOR F IN PRIMARY 6 PSLE HOR, FANTASTIC, JUST THAT HWA CHONG DON'T LET LIM BEI IN BECOURSE LIM BEI TOO ZAI HOR, ANG MOH TO KI TIAM!
2: Now good sir, there's no need to raise one's pitch, furthermore, I have been restraining onself, but sir's command of the Queen's English is positively mind-numbing. WOULD SIR PLEASE QUIET DOWN...
1: GANNI FISH FISH FISH ACT PRO, COME, I SHOW YOU HAT TRICK, LUCKY GOT 1 PP LEFT!

NIDOKING USED HEADBUTT.

?: RED CARD, RED CARD.

Gore follows. Plenty of it.

That's enough for point one. This has gone on long enough. I'll leave the next points till next week, then. Until then, for FISH'S SAKE, PLEASE DON'T TRY TO ACT PRO.

The Mr Yellow Show was brought to you by wasaa.blogspot.com, John Wasa publications, and sponsored by EXTREME WANK FEST HENTAI PORN SCHOOLGIRL FISHING GENERIC PORN SPAM site, guaranteed to raise one's libido and provide quality, spyware and virus free erotic services.

Gripes about Chinese Chess and Splurger of the Year

2005-10-24T15:48:00.000+08:00

Now, Zhong Guo Xiang Qi is a great game, but I have some gripes about it, things that I just don't get, which really puts me off the game......

Ding Ma Jiao

What the fish? What screwy logic is this? So, your horsey can't hop past pieces in the way? Who was commanding that army? Cao Cao? How the hell can a pao jump over a piece to take another, and yet a horse can't? Huh? Why doesn't the frickin horse just trample over the piece? Wouldn't that let it pass? Ding Ma Jiao lah!

Fei Jiang

Ok, firstly, what the hell is this? So the two gay jiangs are facing each other. So what? How come one of them can just jump across an entire board, including a RIVER in one turn, (which according to chess genius George Ian is half a day in real time), and smash the other jiang? And why doesn't the other jiang fight back? Anyway, logic dictates that Generals should be one of the stronger fighters in the army. The jiang in Chinese Chess gets owned by a horse. WTF?

Funny Piece Names

Ok, 'bing' and 'ma', are okok, but what is up with 'che'? So what, during the warring era, cars were the backbone of ancient Chinese armies? Anyway, how can 'che' just cross a river like that? Won't it sink?
Oh, and 'xiang'. To my knowledge, milleniums ago, elephants weren't used in China. WTF?
Or maybe I got the hanyu pinyin wrong.

SPLURGER OF THE YEAR:

Definition: One who has spent a ton of money CONSISTENTLY over the year.

Nominees:

Eliseus Lean Song En AKA Yippee Yaya: Nominated for astounding purchases over the course of the year, including a teddy bear named Theodore that can speak to me while I'm high on Milo, a $17 dollar shaker pen, and a bunch of rocks. Estimated spendage over the year: $3500 on crap alone. Also holds the record for losing handphones and wallets.

Typical Train of Thought/Speech is as Follows:

E: Hmm, that neoprint machine looks nice.

E: Ooh, ooh, ooh! So CUUUUTEEE!!!! (Doesn't notice the numerous St. Margeret girls pointing at him and sniggering.) And only $50!

Convo:

E: Should I get the toy magnet, or the science crap kit? Both are about $15...

Me: I don't fishing care. Soft toys are making fun of us. Pick one and go, before I start trashing stuff.

Wei Ze: Wow! Cool soccer ball! (Squeezes)

Me: That's a trick ball. It makes a horrible...

SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shop Owner: Are you going to buy that? Because if not..

WZ: Xian Nai!

I bought that bloody ball. In my defense, it was only $3, compared to the freaking $15 magnet crap.

Me: Nominated on spending over $1000 on pieces of cardboard (aka Magic) over the year. LWZ can attest to this world record. Cried horribly when milkshake somehow spilled on all his cards, and had to sell them for a 40% loss. Spent that money on games, geylang, and a DS. DS was confiscated by teacher thanks to a guy who is well-loved by all the teachers. Total Spendage on Crap Over the Year: $2000

Oei Jun Long AKA The Acne/Acme Corporation: He is a chaffeur. What else is there to say?

VOTE!

Can't think of any convos or quotes right now, so here's a lame ass joke:

Guy gets a raise, decides to buy a scope for his rifle.

Gun Dealer: This one rocks. You can see my house from here. There. It's the only one on the hill.

Guy looks through scope, and starts laughing.

Dealer: WTF is so funny?

Guy: I see a naked man and a naked woman, chasing each other around the room.

Dealer looks through scope, and becomes livid.

Dealer: Tell you what. Take two bullets, shoot my wife's head, and then the dick of that unwanted child, and you get the scope for free.

Guy look through scope again.

Guy: You know, I think that I could do it in one shot.

GEDDIT? NVM >.<

Wasaa Awards Part 2

2005-10-23T12:15:00.000+08:00

Wasaa Awards of the Year Part 2:

Most Inventive Person of the Year:

Requirements: Must have come up with true lame shit that at least 10 people in the class have adopted.

Disqualifications:
Douglas Pang, AKA Doughnut: CS was last year.

Me: Rolly-Chairs was last year, as well as MC2=E, but have other achievements this year too.

Wei Ze: Shit like Xian Nai, Crazy Laughs, and other assorted trademarks are too gay even for this award.

Eliseus: Shit like Yippee Ya Ya; Delta Nu, Delta Du, Delta NUUUU; Stupid girly mannerisms in the San Yu manner, and the following cheer:

Hey there, Hey You, How do you Do
This is Grove Lions Saying Hi to You
Im, Lana, Anna, and Fontana!

IS GAY. GAY GAY GAY, as well as sexy dances. ALL BANNED.
This is not an invention, no matter how many girls take to it. (And those who like it ought to be shot.)

Yang Xuan and Zhu Ya: YOU WILL BE SUED FOR STEALING THE TRADEMARK REFERRED TO AS GENGHIS KHAN. And TEE DEE DEE was patented by ME. N00bs.

Yao Hui: your (MC2)2= EE equation is an extension of my lame crap as well, therefore you will be receiving a call from my lawyer. (It's the guy who is representing Saddam.)

Ni Yi: Came up with some lame expressions, but NO. Just NO. I strive to protect the minds of any readers that I may actually have.

That said, on to the nominees:

Me: This year, I came up with works of genius like BS QUEST (Girls, don't ask) WASAA, Tee Dee Dee, more gay shit, as well as several expressions. I have many patents pending. I can annoy even J. Lim with lame shit that I've invented:

Joshua: Hey, you pretentious wanker!

Me: WASAA

J: WTF?

Me: Gay Sex Rocks.

J: Screw it. I'm not talking to you.

Me: LOL XX

J: AAAAAAAAH!!!! (Jumps over the railing, several floors below. Miraculously survives.)

Darrell Leong AKA Slim 10 Abuser: Coming up with a million fictitious identities, all related to the Ee lineage. FBI are now investigating the case. Subpoenas coming in short order. Still, he deserves props for making me wade through a shitload of fake passports and penis sizes.

Last But Not Least:

Mrs Ruth Ann: Coming up with a new English accent, and several mannerisms. Example:

Mrs Niam

Pocus Hunter

My toes are laughing (Very good for compo)

You are the Top 3%...

The list goes on and on

And now, the last award, Splurger of the Year, shall be posted either tonight or tomorrow. Vote quickly, guy, the poll closes next Friday.

Stupid Conversation of the Day:

Guy: AH! AH! AH!

Cindy: Mm...

Guy: UH! UH! UH!

Cindy: OW! You're hurting me!

Guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Cindy's Brother (High School Varsity Footballer): WTF???

Later....

Guy: You gave a really good foot massage. Loosened my cramps very well. Sorry about kicking you in the face. I owe you one.

Cindy: Thanks. And it's OK about the face.

Guy goes out of her room.

Cindy's brother: What were you doing TO MY SISTER INSIDE?

Guy: ??? (GETS BASHED UP)

Lesson? Don't make stupid sexual noises while performing the most mundane of things.

Quote of the Day: (Short Convo actually)

Me: Okay. Fill in the blanks. One blank can consist of 1 or 2 letters. V_gin_, B_tch, W_nk, Se_, F_c_, and brea_.

(Guy who I will codename Red Ears): Vagina, Bitch, Wank, Sex, Fuck, and Breast. You sicko.

Me: Er... Virginia, Batch, Wink, Set, Face, and Break. Now we know where YOUR head lies, sicko.

The Wasaa Awards of the Year Part 1

2005-10-22T10:29:00.000+08:00

Hihi. Today I'm going to give out awards to these very special indviduals of my class:

Lamer of the Year

Crapper of the Year

Most Inventive Person of the Year

Splurger of the Year

And that's just the first round of awards!

Today I will be introducing the nominees, who will be voted upon by an impartial council (me). The winner of each award will get free bus fare to geylang and a souvenir of choice, most likely a cookie or two.

Firstly, here are the nominees for Lamer of the Year, and I will be using real names, kids:

Lim Wei Ze AKA The Policeman: N0minated for astounding lameness, ranging from comments like (Noooo, we are not having exams today, we are going to watch Happy Tree Friends) to, (Xian Nai) to even worse crap like (Why is your shirt untucked? Your girlfriend must be very wild.)
Also nominated for doing shit like acting as the star of the winning play of the Drama of History Competition, Hung for Life, in which he runs about uselessly, wearing stupid tight shorts, and screams like someone's giving him a rectal exam. Yes, he was supposed to be the policeman. Hilarious.

Goh Yang Xuan AKA TEE DEE DEE: Also nominated for contributions to the art of laming, and expert gay impersonation. Can crap for hours on end. Examples of lameness range from (Nooo, we are not from the International Chess Club, we have no idea how to play International Chess, OMFG, Ta Ma De! Ding Ma Jiao! Judge, Judge! (SO SAYS THE EX MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL JUNIOR SQUAD) to (Yes! Fei Jiang! My king is opposite your king, n00b!) to commentary like (Chang goes on a desperate offensive! He is thinking! Oh yes, look at that sexy face! OMFG, he moves, he moves... PAWN A4 FIRST MOVE! ULTIMATE OWNAGE! I WOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT! WE bow to you, CHANG) Also played a part in Hung for Life, where he has to look like he is high.

ME AKA WASAA LORD: Nominated for true shit like (LOL XX to the tune of FF TACTICS ADVANCE), more shit like (GAY XX< GAY SEX ROX) coming up with Wasaa, coming up with BS Quest (Don't ask, especially the girls) and basically saying very lame, hilarious, but senseless things. (Yes, E. Lean, we do get $70 from out parents everytime we go out, even FOR A MOVIE and no, there is absolutely no such thing as gay porn on the web, and there are no more than a 100 porn sites, and we all get lousy as shit 3G Phones, thank you very much)

Puay Ni Yi, AKA Chicken Rice: This genius takes the cake. He appears to have absolutely no sense of humor, but he is actually a scheming hotbed of lame ass remarks, ranging from stuff like: (Hey Ni Yi, you rock! No, I'm very soft) to (This is a true mirarcle) and (WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT???????)

I bow to the master of lameness.

Next up: Crapper of the Year!

And the nominees are:

Joshua Lim, AKA The Very Well-Loved Boy by all the teachers:
Basically overloading people with nudges on MSN, coming up with senseless rhetoric that has no impact whatsoever on the original argument, and basically crapping whenever the opportunity arises. (Hey, you pretentious wanker! I learned this phrase from a book!) I would also like to publicly thank J. Lim for gettting my Nintendo DS confiscated by my kindly form teacher, and that he better get it back, or give me $300. If not, some very nasty Magic Mafia thugs will be knocking on his door.

Andrew Ong, AKA Soft Balls:
Really coming up with nonsensical crap every single day of the year. Pretends to love stuff meant for ages 10 and below. Take a gander at the crap that this genius comes up with:

Ha Ha Ha! Transform, Gransazer!

Let's go watch the Gransazer Live, Crystal Zeus!

Swords of Revealing Light! Take that, fellow Yu-Gi-Oh 1500 rating guy, Wei Ze!

Beyblade! OMFG!OMFG! MY BIT BEAST IS GONE!

You get the idea.

Last nominee:

Mr Png Kl. : Our much beloved maths teacher, also known as the pun king. Has truly made us laugh for no reason. Examples of lame shit:

You better do your worksheet! Or else you get shit!

Use correction tape, don't cancel! Or else you get cancer!

What is spiderman in Chinese? SHI BAI DE MAN! LOLOL

And this is how you do a Malay Dance...

Darrell Leong look in the mirror, see Lydia Sum.

VOTE NOW! IF NOT, I DECIDE, AND YOU WON'T THE FISHING CRAP THAT I COME UP WITH! POST SHIT ON THE COMMENTS BOARD!

Next up: The other two gay awards.

Stupid Convo of the Day:

More Friends. Joey is an idiot trying to take his new hot girlfriend to some arty farty musuem, asks Ross for help because Ross has got ten times his IQ. So Ross tells him exactly what to do...

Ross: So you walk in...

Joey: Yeah? Yeah?

Ross: Turn right. Now there is a very interesting archaeology wing, with some fine specimens of platosaurus (Drones on for a full minute about useless shit)

Joey: Wait. So I walk in, and turn right?

Ross: Er, Ok, nvm.

LATER:

Charlie (The hot girlfriend): Yeah, Ross. My date went fine... except that Joey memorized all the stuff he said.

Ross: Wait. How do you?

Charlie: He was talking about Monet and gesturing at a cracked jug.

Ross: OMFG. When you went in... You turned right, right?

Charlie: Nooo, I'm pretty sure we turned left.

Ross: Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey...

LATER STILL

Joey: Hey there! Ready to go, Charlie!

Charlie: Yep.

Joey whispers to Ross: Hey dude, some of that stuff wasn't what you said it was gonna be, but I made it work.

Ross: (Thinks) I'm gonna fishing kill you, you son of a female dog!

Quote of the Day, Well actually a short convo.

Some gay: Is this the place? Is this Thomson Road?

Me: See the sign that says Thomson Road?

Some gay: Yeah?

Me: I would say that this was the place.

More lame short convos.

Another Gay: I need money! I need a better plan! Maybe I should be a gigolo! (Short and fat)

Me: See, that's not a good idea either. First, it's fishing illegal, and second, and I mean this in the nicest possible way... No one would want to do you.

And this is how Mountains are made out of Mole Hills (Of course, moles are virtually non-existent in Singapore, but NVM)

2005-10-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

Guess what! You can use this idiom! Although you will be niaoed for being lame.

Today, we must talk about a most serious topic affecting the world of today:

Stereotypes, and Pointless Humor

Yes, this is a very serious problem. the stereotype of nerds, jocks, prisoners, Ah Bengs, and George Bushes, as well as Condi Rices can no longer apply exclusively. How are stereotypes created? Why are so many lives ruined by this word? Just because you are ugly, doesn't mean that you are a criminal, but some people think that way. These are also the people who go 'Oh, so cute!!! That's like totally, rad!' and 'Yippee Yaya!' Don't ask me, I have no idea what that means. To me, rad means that you should get the hell out of the country, because an atom bomb is heading your way. Nuclear test programs suck.

Anyway, I think that I should not be mired in this endless discussion about stereotypes. If you have been reading the Straits Times recently, (Yippee Yaya people won't read, of course that is a stereotype, but I don't care, haha lololol. Yipee Yaya people also get Dengue Fever because they think that it is sooo not cool to be seen emptying dustbins and flowerpots.
Anyway, have you, secondary school readers ever experienced a situation where someone in your class gets ragged upon and tortured because of an offhand remark? No? Yes? Actually I don't care.

But now, I present to you a lesson in pointless humor:

The Story of how a boy named Elson ate the World, and How the Class of 2I, 2005 lost their ability to differentiate between single and plural terms.

One day:

A Teacher Who I shall Codename Malay Dance Expert AKA Manhunk who is 16 going on 17, and who also is a pro at Maths:
(Thinks) Hmm, Elson Ee, what a funny name. I shall call him Eeson El for no reason, because I think that is hilarious.

Malay Dance Expert: Ah, so Elson Ee Eeson El, will you do this sum?

Elson: WTF?

Guy who will be codenamed as Slim 10 Abuser: That's hilarious. From now on the whole class shall call this guy Elson Ee Eeson El because I say so. And also because I am homosexual and need someone close to me for security purposes.

Whole Class: LOLOLOLOL (For no reason)

Malay Dance Expert: (Hey, they like me! They really like me! From now on I shall come up with more pointlessly amusing, stupid crap!)

Malay Dance Expert: And now, class, what is Spiderman in Chinese?

Class: No idea.

Malay Dance Expert: Shi Bai De Man!

Class: LOLOLOL

And thus, two stupid hangups were created. One, Elson became the most popular guy in class, for all the wrong reasons. Every came up with lame names for him, since Elson Ee was such an amazing example of alliteration, or is that onomatopoeia? Anyway, Ooson Ooh, Arson Ah, and Ortus Ee quickly followed. Yes, I don't see the funny part of it either, do you? What the fish?

The Malay Dance Expert became the most popular teacher in the class, and Slim 10 abuser decided that he was sexually attracted to him. Now, this is not a good idea, because now he keeps yelling out Malay Dance expert's name for no reason. Imagine if he has sex, and then yells out the name of his teacher halfway. The poor boy will never get lucky again.

So anyway, somebody came up with the brilliant idea (absolute stroke of genius, guy who I will codename as Doughnut. Why don't you go get us some female dogs?) that since Elson had so many poetic names, then these names should be representing different people. Yes. And now people refer to Elson as them instead of him. Firstly, it is grammatically incorrect. Secondly, it causes peoples' minds to explode in shards of burning shrapnel.

So many short sayings were made about Elson:

When Elson eats, famine!

When Elson dives into a pool, tsunami!

When Elson litters, pollution!

When Elson dies, genocide!

When Elson has sex, orgy!

WHAT THE FISH?

So the person who I will codename as Policeman and me came up with a brilliant saying:

When gays talk about Elson, retarded!

Shortly after, people gave up on the Elson sayings, sparing the poor boy a lot of grief. It may or may not have to do with the quote above. Nobody really cares.

Then the teachers were bamboozled by our class' remarkable deficiency in the singular and plural term area, noticing that everything was in plural. 'They must go to the toilet!'

And nobody allowed Elson to vote, because they said it would be a veto. Apparently Elson now has a million other twin brothers with retarded names.

Slim 10 Abuser explained the whole Elson gag to the teachers to the best of his ability. Shortly after, the teacher known as Top 3%, Pocus Hunter, and the Laughing Toes had a motorcycle accident. This may or may not be related to the incident stated above.

And here ends the brief summary of an utterly pointless charade. All resemblance to real life characters are correct. For example, if you think that I am smart, I am. If you think that I am stupid, you can go eat Slim 10. It will do wonders for your physique.

And now Malay Dance Expert is a well loved teacher. So if I say that lawyers suck because I ate toast this morning, or that I failed my maths test because my mother played mahjong last night, it will be akin to rising my social status. It will also cause me to fail my history test if I use the same manner of reasoning for source based questions. LINK BACK TO THE QUESTION N00BS.

Yes, that was exceedingly stupid. However, you may have only lost about 100 000 brain cells, if you are lucky! Better sell them fast, and get oil. Oil is the rage nowadays.

Stupid Convo of the Day:

From Friends (That show is hilarious)

Chandler: I got the fertility test results back from Doc Conelly.

Monica: Is it good news? No, wait, if it was good news, you would be screaming and taking off your pants! What's the news?

Chandler: Apparently, my sperm have low mobility, and you are an inhospitable environment.

Monica: What's that mean?

Chandler: It means that my sperm can't get off their fishing asses and that your uterus is prepared to kill any that do!

Augmented slightly.

Quote of the Day:

WTF? You are comparing the meaning of life to DOTA and you think that your only problem with girls is breaking the ice?
-ME!!! To somebody, better not mention his name.

EXAMS OVER! OMFG

2005-10-20T18:45:00.000+08:00

Sorry, god.

Now that I have avoided holy retribution, it is time for to celebrate.

OMFG! OMFG! OMFG! EXAMS ARE OVER! OMFG!

Yes, my exams are over. Our exams started on like, the 17th of October, when people have already finished their PSLE, SAT, driver's test, porn auditions, and whatnot. Actually, I think that the porn auditions are still going on. Hmm.

So anyway, despite being one of the last few schools to finish our exams, I kept my cool and did not rush into the Admin Office, screaming wildly and throwing fire grenades. That should only be done if I find out that my end of year MSG is 4.0 or above.

Anyway, the Wasaa world championships are coming up, and only the most seasoned and hardy players of our splenderific (that's not a real word, kiddos. Please do not use in your compos. I do not wish to receive calls from angry moms, confused kids, or simply mad English scholars.) class. The invitees are, based on ranking (which I came up with, er... 5 minutes ago...)

Names are coded for privacy.

1. Wasaa Lord 2600

2. GYX, aka TEE DEE DEE 2400

3. Maple Story Freak 2200

4. Genghis Khan, aka the Pig who says ya (Zhu Ya) 1950

5. Wooner, aka Suicider with AK47 1600

6. Chicken Rice (The very smart boy who is the tallest in class) 1400

7. PDA or C (Dunno. Hey! My rating is twice his! OMFG!) 1300

8. A monkey 1950 (OMFG, a monkey is tied with Genghis Khan)

And so we begin a saga of malicious backstab, desperate bids for power, killing, temptation, sex, all for...

The title of eraser flipping champion. Yes. The nerd who wins will get all the girls (Kindergarden fankids) lots of money and fame (Everyone in a radius of 10 metres will know you, and the total payout for this tournament is a pack of chewing gum. The prestige!)

And the satisfaction of knowing that you can flip an eraser on top of the other by dragging it, without appearing that you are dragging it, even though you are dragging it... (Copy and paste 100 times to get the gist of the whole thing)

Yes. Amazing.

Now on to other topics. Tee Dee Dee and I were waiting for my mum to pick us up. Yes, I still live with my parents. Do you know why? Cause I'm in Sec 2.

Anyway, she told us to wait for her at the NTUC. We happily went to Junction 8 NTUC, only to receive a call telling me that we should have went to Blk 510 NTUC.

Firstly, why in the world would there be two NTUCs so close to each other? What the fish? Are they like, trying to undercut each other or something? They belong to the same bloody conglomerate! I've heard of the Wal-Mart strategy, but this is just excretion. Those son of a female dogs! Do they think that those people in the HDB will not not be able to walk the 100 metres to J8 to purchase their groceries? Are the NTUC managers afraid that their valued HDB customers will collapse and die of exhaustion due to this mind blowingly long marathon? Then why the hell are we running 2.4 for NAPFA if that's the case? According to NTUC, we should be running 0.24 in 14 min. I think that I could pass that.

Fishy, huh?

Anyway, we get there, and we wait for 20 min. Then I call my mother. Turns out she went to the coffeeshop.

Fish.

I should have gone and played LAN, like normal, hardworking kids. LAN is a perfectly fine lesiure pursuit. I would be like my father, who was LAN king. Either that or I was dreaming. Hmm.

Stupid Convo of the Day:

Elson is a nice guy, other than the fact that he is a magical body splitting schizophrenic.

Elson: Hi.

Eeson (Personality No. 2): Who the fish are you?

JK Rowlingson (Personality no. 9999999): I say, this is jolly good fun!

Arson (Personality no. 7): Put a lid on it, n00b. Harry Potter sucked.

JK Rowlingson: Such sacrilege! I must sacrifice you to Voldemort!

Harry Potter Fanson (Personality no.: Infinite): No! YOU SAID HIS NAME! THE WORLD WILL END! FORGIVE THE SINNER, HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED!

Elson: Okay, this is getting to be a bit annoying...

Other million personalities: SHUT THE FISH UP!

Elson: YOU SHUT UP! YOU SONS OF FEMALE DOGS!

Next thing you know, he's in a straitjacket, drooling onto the cold wooden tiles of a Woodbridge cell. Now we know how whackjobs think. Great.

Stupid Quote of the Day:

Is this chicken?
-Jessica Simpson, While eating Raw Salmon

WHOOPS

2005-10-19T20:49:00.000+08:00

Hmm, I got a comment telling me to watch my language. In case it is really the police, I had better tone down my ranting from now on. Wouldn't want to get expelled. Still, I deem the word fishing as very normal, unless people want to interpret it in their own manner.

Looking back at my previous post, I would say that it was overboard. Still, you can't tell me that you are not fishing annoyed by SpyWare and porn popups. What if your kid brother's using the computer?

So here's my blog is going to be formatted from now on:

Codenames for words:

F**K: FISH/the act of sex

Damn: Er, nothing

Shit: Hmm, excretion/faeces

Bitch: Female Dog

Bastard: Unwanted Child

Ass: Rear-end

Any Others: Either censored, or with *

Okay, so here's a sample post:

The British

Has anyone one of you ever found the british rather peculiar in their mannerisms? Remember when they were ruling us? Did we speak like those gentlemanly unwanted childs? So, how exactly did we speak? Did we say:

'I say, this teh-tarik is rather excellent, my good man! That coffee maker did a bang-up job!'

'Oh, shut up, you son of a female dog. I don't even know you, you crazy old coot.'

'Why, sir. That is very uncouth of you! How would you like it if I called you a son of a female dog?'

'I am, my good man.'

'Goodness.'

'Egads! You goddamn fisher! Are you trying to insult me?'

'No,my good man.'

'This is jolly good fun! Let us have another cup of tea!'

Wait, that wasn't so bad, compared to what I hear on the streets today. Hmm. British life doesn't seem so bad after all. Maybe I had better go to a London University. Is Exeter in London?

Oh, faeces, my com is hanging on me again. You know, looking back on that conversation, I think that i may skip all the expletives altogether. Doesn't seem to be working out.

WTF???

2005-10-19T12:42:00.000+08:00

The legend of CS Quest is a good read, but unfortunately my lawyer has told me that the Counterstrike guys will sue me if I publish it. They are working on the case right now and assure me that the case will be heard in the most ulu courtroom in Singapore. It is located in a place with an impossible name for Westerners to pronounce, let alone find. So the legend of CS Quest will be made available by the end of the week. Haha.

WTF?????

The internet is a nice place, full of free MP3 files (illegal), software (fishing illegal) and free Roms and Emus (Nintendo will sue your ass off.)
and sexual predators (depends of sex, but most of the time meeting one of them is fishing not good)
That aside, there's one thing that I can't stand for. UNAUTHORIZED POPUPS. These fishing things make me want to throw my monitor out the window. Some freaking thing called AdultFriendfinder keeps on coming up for every five sites I go to. (It's not porn, BTW I know what you are thinking, you sick demented bastards)

And the other day, the holy grail of popups came to my com.
I went to my school website to check the message boards: and promptly came face to face with these great idioms that you should definitely use in your compo:

LESBIAN FANTASIES AND GOLDEN SHOWERS

24/7 LIVE XXX FUCKING, CREAM PIES

SPERM GIRLS LICK CREAM FROM COWS

WATCH IRAQI CAPTIVES TAKE IT IN THE ASS

BONDAGE DUNGEON... The Place for BONDAGE FANTASIES, WHIPPING, and MORE

YOUNG GIRLS LICK STUFF

WHAT THE FISH? Nope, that was not a pop-up. That is me trying to valiantly close all those grotesque pictures of gangbangs, tied up lolitas, and whatnot. Eventually, I had to restart my com, for my innocent (really!) could not bear to see these depraved fantasies.

SO, people have hormones and sex drives, but I don't understand WHY THE FISH those Spyware makers have the tendency to insert popups everywhere, and in the process slow down coms.

PORN is a part of life, but this is just too fishing much. Jesus Christ, I didn't know that there were sites about getting F**KED by BEER BOTTLES.

Damn SPYWARE. You listening, you spyware programmers? Stop making FISHING spyware. Nobody's going to join a site that posts videos of young girls taking it in the ASS and then drinking piss. Firstly, that's sick. Secondly, it's sick. Thirdly, even if people like OJ want to join, they won't be able to because of the $100??? Rates these stupid sites charge.

AND, why would ANYONE want to look at GAY PORN??? I get a free show everyday when I take off my pants.

For god's sake, stop making lame porn sites. Everytime you watch porn, God kills a child. Think of the children. It could be me soon.

Let me make some suggestions to anyone with the power to make laws:

1. SpyWare makers should be shot.

2. Girls who appear on HORSE F**CKING SITES should be shot for mental illness and incapibility to differentiate between a male penis and a hors penis. I think there is a difference, but then again I never jacked off a BLOODY HORSE.

3. MAKE UNSOLICITED POPUPS ILLEGAL. SHOOT anyone who protests.

I was beginning to have faith in the law, then I realized that since technically it's legal to watch PORN in the US, as well as make it, then I figure the judges who prosecute child molestors are also watching the product, which is kind of ironical.

MY GOD>>>>>> DON'T KILL THE CHILDREN. THEY AREN'T WATCHING PORN, although if they participate in it voluntarily, then they ought to be shot.

STUPID CONVERSATION OF THE DAY:
From Friends:

Monica walks in. Chandler is watching porn, as usual, that fishing bastard. He switches to another channel hurriedly, showing shark attacks. Monica talks to him for a while, then rushes to the bathroom and picks up the phone.

Monica: Rachel?

Rachel (That bimbo): Yeah?

Monica: I just walked in on Chandler, and he was molesting himself!

Rachel: Men do that, honey. It's called masturbation.

Monica: But... he was getting off to a shark mauling???

Rachel: WTF??? (Ok, she didn't actually say that)

Monica: YES!!! Chandler watches SHARK PORN!!!

LATER:

Monica: How's the porn?

Chandler: WHY THE (CENSORED) are you showing me a woman getting (CENSORED) by a shark?

Monica: Not violent enough for you, honey? Oh no... What if I make gnashing noises and wave my hands like fins? Would that help?

Chandler picks the phone, calling the mental hospital.

OK, maybe I altered it a bit.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

'Do you think I'm stupid? Look, I got the tickets, I drove us to the game without a hitch... oh, F**K, the game's tommorow...

-Don't ask who

The Fisher’s Almanac to, er… Fishing

2005-10-18T12:58:00.000+08:00

(If any fishermen actually think that I am going to be talking about real fishing, then they have got another thing coming).

NOTE: Fish replaces a word of your choice. Choose the most appropriate. Don’t flame me if the word you chose fits the bill too well. Blame it on your own sick mind.

Today we are going to talk about fishing (replace with choice word) techniques. Fishing is a very complicated art. I may not have much personal experience, but I have observed the techniques of the masters. Yes. I am a true disciple of the great fishers of our time. Namely the great Terpe Orthn (name scrambled for good reason. If you cannot unscramble the name, don’t bother. You can’t handle the truth. A rupiah for anyone who recognizes where I stole, I mean, borrowed the line from.)

I dislike those amateur fishers who brag about their amazing rod control and the size of their rods. Go look at Terpe Orthn. He probably has the largest rod in all of the fishing world, and he can cast it very well, too. The trick is in thrusting the handle.

So let me, the great wasaa king, introduce you my five tips for great fishing (I swear I did not copy this from anywhere) from The Fisher’s Almanac, available in all Ruizi Bookstores worldwide. In the world of my dreams, that is.

1: Make sure that your rod is in tip-top condition

I cannot stress this more. Many first time fishers underestimate the importance of a good rod. The equipment is very necessary for the experience. Those who say that people stereotype on rods are those who have tiny rods. Size does matter. I am proud to say that I own a fine quality gem mint trademarked XeS Kosrc (Brand also scrambled) Rod. It has not been put into action yet. I’m saving it for a special occasion.
Anyway, ensure that your rod is well polished. The appearance is very important.

2: Find a suitable spot to conduct your fishing

Yes, high school/JC boys, I am pointing at YOU. YOU may think that fishing in a carpark or the middle of the road is nice and all, but somehow I doubt the traffic warden will be very amused. You will fail your A levels if you actually think that you can do that. Also, very little fish will be hanging around a carpark, waiting to be fished. The place is very important. Surprisingly, hotels are a great fishing spot. Yes, I would have expected the Singapore River, but times change. People just don’t fish in public like they used to.

3: Take it slowly, don’t fish too fast

Most people who are fishing for the first time commit a fatal error. They think that speed and efficiency is the way to go. That is a no-no. What is up with young people nowadays? They always want things so quickly. No patience at all. Unlike me. I actually waited five long minutes in a queue before losing my mind. Baby steps, folks, baby steps.
Back to quick fishing. The pleasure in fishing is the whole experience. It is annoying having to wait for the fish to bite (hint, hint) in the beginning, but the ending is very rewarding. You will experience a sudden high, and for some reason you can make your own bait instead of actually having to use bait. However, your prey doesn’t usually swallow your home made bait for some reason, even if you have a lot of it. Still, it attracts them. Hmm.
Anyway, go slow. Try to keep your rod in the water for a very long time. If you can do that, then I would say you are a fishing pro.

4: Choose your fishing method wisely

Yes. The method is very important as well. Do you want to hook your prey in the mouth, or in the rear end? Think carefully. Certain prey respond well to certain types of rod positioning. The mouth thrust is a very complicated technique. Those who do not execute it well run the risk of losing their prey altogether. The technique of the rear thrust is also somewhat delicate. You must never hit the backside exactly. If you do, your prey will buckle and cause you to lose focus.
And for the love of God, never, ever, try to hook the scales. Trying to attack the body of the prey itself could result in grievous injuries. The prey especially does not like homemade bait landing on the body.
And remember, it’s all in the positioning of the rod, baby. Keep it straight for as long as possible.

5: Don’t speak nonsense when fishing

Probably the most important tip of all. The easiest way to lose your prey is through saying the wrong thing. You may not realize it, but your prey is very sensitive, unlike you. Yes. I am not kidding. Certain fishers often say shit like ‘Who’s your daddy?’ This a result of an over inflated ego. Please do not think too highly of yourself. There are many top notch rods and fishers out there, but you are not one of them.
Of course, Terpe Orthn says ‘Who’s your daddy?’ it calms him down, I suppose. Of course, his ego is justified. He can keep the attention of the prey by just waving his rod tantalizing. Amazing. I must kowtow before the fishing king. Of course, he cannot beat me at Wasaa. No one can. Well, okay, I am not unbeatable, but I am pretty damn close. My hands are very good at moving around.

And so we come to the end of the 5 fishing tips. Don’t be an idiot. Follow the tips, and you cannot go wrong. Of course, if something, somehow, goes wrong, then it is your fault, not mind. Your rod must be malfunctioning or something. Don’t ask me, n00b.

But wait! Straight from my twisted (but now straightened) mind, I have one last, amazing tip! And everyone can follow this tip perfectly, even if you have a low quality rod!

TEE DEE DEE>>>>>>>

6. PRACTICE

Yes, my friend, all things can only be mastered through practice. Yes, practice. Even a simple art such as fishing needs practice. The handwork is of utmost importance, so make sure you practice your grip and thrust daily. Pay special attention to the condition of your rod. Try to make it longer, but not through freaky methods of augmentation.

That all said, PRACTICE. Yes, even you, the dork, can fish well if you PRACTICE. Don’t let people mock you for studying the art of fishing. They may find themselves in a situation where they need these fishing tips one day, and then you can laugh like hell and throw rocks at them, like past racists. No offense to any actual racists of members of the Ku Klux Klan (although I must say that it is some interesting onomatopoeia.)

If you choose to ignore my advice, it’s your loss. However, please remember that I AM NOT LIABLE FOR INJURIES sustained through the use of this tips, especially rod damage. Don’t worry though, it is not possible to wear out your rod through excessive practice.

Okie dokie, BB. Join me next time as I cover the sordid tale of CS Quest, the amazing new fad that was created by the 2I Corporation, in conjunction with, er… me, myself and Irene. (Another rupiah to those who guess where I BORROWED (not stole) that from.

Quote of the Day:

I am Genghis Khan, the Universal Ruler! Bow before me! I have the biggest rod ever! (Ok, that last sentence was my own little idea.)
-Codename: Zhu Ya, AKA Guy who broke some lame track and field record (Fan girls need not scream)

Stupid Conversations: (You decide if it is real or not)

At KFC:

Guy 1: WTF??? Why are you putting coins into a small cardboard box? And why does it have my girlfriend’s photo on it.

Guy 2: It’s my method for saving up enough money for a PS3. Whenever I think about your fat and ugly girlfriend, I put a dollar in the box.

Guy 1: WHAT????????????

Guy 2: Hey. It works.

Guy 1: Fine. If you want to bash on my poor, abused-

Guy 2: Ugly…

Guy 1: Shut up. If you want to insult my poor girlfriend, then fine, you evil boy.

Guy 2: Danny, you are my best friend. I have to tell you the truth. I’ve got a whole garage full of these boxes.

O_O O_O O_O

WASAA!!!!

Useless Crap

2005-10-17T11:29:00.000+08:00

Whoops. Sorry for the dull color on the last post. For anybody who's wondering about my retarded blog address, here is the sordid story (may cause seizures, not recommended for people with no sense of humor or those who only believe in logic):

The tale begans when I was an innocent boy in P6. You must understand that innocent means that I am still a virgin. In all technicality, half of Singapore knows the difference between a rod and a 'rod' by the time we are in P1. Young boys have a habit of comparing things.
But I digress. Anyway, at that time I played a cool game called Magic: The Gathering (and I still do, the shame). In Singapore, Magic is not considered dorkish like in other countries, maybe because it is supported by the mafia. Yes, shh, this is our little secret.
So there was this guy (name will not be mentioned because he knows me and he is taller than me: hint, hint) who would always scream 'Wasaa!' when he won a game. (Don't ask me why, pronunciation is not entirely correct. It could be the spanish version of wasaa, or the troublesome martian dialect)
Anyway, for some reason, I was amused by this 'Wasaa'. It became a sacred talisman that was the key to winning for me. I thrashed helpless 10 year old kids with my impressive vocals. I was on a roll.

Flashforward 2 years. I am in Sec 2, the year of torture and sex ed. I am sitting with this guy who I call the Wooner. (real name not mentioned because he could be reading this blog) So we are sitting at the back, and we are bored to hell. What do we do? We play erasers. Yes, it is the game that swept the nation in my P3 year. The pulse pounding excitement of flipping one eraser on top of the other is incredible. It's better than sex, although I cannot prove the fact as I am a bloody virgin and underage.
My battlecry was 'Wasaa'. This amazing word won me 90% of my eraser games, and I declared myself eraser flipping world champion, or the 'Wasaa king'. No one came forward to contest me, because if they did, they would face the righteous might of my eraser.
Anyhow, the Wooner and I got seperated, and I ended up sitting next to a guy called GYX. (real name not mentioned because he may also be reading this blog.) We continued the sacred ritual of eraser flipping, and developed a new battle cry, called 'tee dee dee' and 'ding ma jiao' (Don't ask me why I am insane, I am a volatile age, you know.) Wasaa triumphed again, and I promptly christened my incredible eraser as wasaa as well.

GYX and I also got seperated. It may have had something to do with the erasers and constant cries of 'wasaa'. Or maybe the teacher was a control freak. In any case, wasaa stopped for a long time, and my eraser went into hibernation.

But as exams drew near, our form teacher (a pleasant and very delightful person who I will also not name) became very worried about our studies. Well, we did end up dead last as a class. It might have something to do with the worshipping of the magical body splitting Elson. But that's another story.
Anyway, she stopped all fun activities. For some reason, eraser flipping became the lame game of choice. I polished off wasaa and joined in the fun.
Unfortunately, a new technique was arising, called sniper xxx (self explnatory). One win condition of eraser flipping is flicking off the other eraser from the table or platform or whatever. Some genius decided to exploit it. He shall be codenamed Maple Story Freak. The art of sniper xxx quickly outnumbered those who won the traditional way. It was sacrilege! I prayed to the wasaa god, but he did not answer.

I realized that I was the wasaa god. I christened the dying art of eraser flipping as wasaa and invoked the god of fire, Ifrit (nothing to do with FF, you fanboys) and managed to wasaa erasers from flicking distance. I was wasaa king once more. Yay! Wasaa quickly spread in fame once more, and my skill became legendary amongst more than ten people Amazing, isn't it?

However, all good times must come to an end. A teacher who I will codename as The Top 3% (my classmates will get it) cracked down on eraser games, decrying it as satanic and mind polluting. I notice that she did not object to the consumption of Ectsasy, however. Maybe that's because it never needed to be mentioned, but some things are better left unsaid.

The remaining eraser players who had not gotten their precious hunks of rubber confiscated convened to decide on a course of action. We codenamed the game 'wasaaaaaaaa' and continued in secret, defying the authorities.

And to this day, the legend of wasaa continues. Look at my link, and try not to puke.

Quote of the day-

I am not rich. (Guy in my class who is very rich. Clue: Scrambled up name is Song En Lean SeusEli)

Bus Fares and Other Rants

2005-10-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

Yeah, hi everyone, or anyone who is actually reading my crap. That's you. I would love to talk about who I am, what I like, what I hate, and basically introduce my n00bish self, but none of you actually care, do you? So maybe we will forget that.

Just some actual statements that can stand up in a court of law:

1) There will be no intentional racist/ VERY inflammatory remarks. I do not want to be charged under the Sedition Act, or any act, for that matter (including plays LOLOL) before I even get a driver's license.

2)Anybody whom I offend can insult me back in a similiar fashion, which most people probably do, or ask me to remove the insulting post, the preferred but rarer approach. I will do so, unless I feel that you are bitching for absolutely no reason.

3)Anybody staff from my school who is reading: No offense and please do not suspend me for using words like bitching. However, if I do spell out F*** truly and fully, then I will accept a suspension with relish.

4)I know I'm a n00b. Wait. You haven't even seen my pictures. Where's the justice? You stereotyping PROS!!!!

Bus Fares and Stupid Logic

The other day, I was getting onto a bus, and realized that my EZ link card was out of money. This is a surprise, as I am a student, and fares are 0.45. Chalk it down to the same reason that makes me fail tests that I should pass.

There was no arguing the point. My actual value was -0.30. My God.

So I check my wallet and realize that the only coin I have is of the $1 variety. Meekly, I drop it into the fare slot.

The driver looks at me and frowns, his lip curling back in a grimace. (Name, age and race will not be mentioned for fear of aforementioned lawsuits). He barks something at me, and I recoil, shrug and say 'sorry', before running to the back seats.

Then a thought hits me. He was scolding me for putting in $1. What kind of screwy logic is that? Won't be $1 increase his revenue, causing the bus company to admire him for his tremedous profit garnering skills, and promote him? So why the fish (use this to replace choice words) did he yell at me?

Maybe his supervisor is treating him badly. Yeah, that's it. The driver must be thinking, you fisher! You're increasing profits for my company, which I hate!

That's screwy. Of course, I must not question my elders. This has been drilled into me thousands of times, a part of a plot to turn all Singaporean kids into zombies.

But anyway, if he does not want my extra 55 cents, then just let me get on for free. Hee Hee.

Speaking of free, I bet that some people have found themselves without coins or EZ link value in the past. What did you do? Sneaking on the bus is not an option, at least not now that you can go to prison FOR IT. What the fish?

For me, I try to act sweet and cute. I usually end up looking like the mini-me version of THE TERMINATOR, but it actually worked once. The driver let me on. I didn't ahve to spend an extra... $7 on a cab? Now that's a good deed. Or maybe he was being abused by his supervisor as well. They should form a bus driver's union.

A massive bus driver's strike would end life on earth as we knew it. The evil cabbies or MRT drivers would take over.

Think about it. Evil cabbies. TEE DEE DEE!

Wait. That was dumb.